another one

another miscarriage. happened on friday, october 19, 2012.

how much more heartache can a person take?

dear God how much more pain will you put us through?

quick post

just a super quick post to mark this day... day 7 of the 2 week wait...

today is 10-11-12...
just cause i've been impatient, i took a pee test and...

2 PINK LINES!

 blood test is next week to confirm though! stay tuned!

round 2

here we are again. starting over. it's bittersweet.

this time, we're doing what is called a Frozen Embryo Transfer:

• Frozen embryos is a term used to refer to those embryos that are not transferred during in vitro fertilization cycles and are subsequently cryopreserved. A frozen embryo transfer can be used to produce a viable pregnancy by first thawing the frozen embryo, and transferring it into an appropriately prepared uterus. Other names for this process such as embryo freezing or embryo cryopreservation have been commonly used. The treatment to establish a pregnancy using frozen embryos has been called a thaw cycle or a frozen embryo transfer cycle or simply an FET cycle.
  Pretesting for a frozen embryo transfer
  
  In order to maximize the chances for success using frozen embryos, a woman should have a normal uterine cavity. There are three tests that can be used to assess the uterine cavity:
  

  • Hysterosonogram – In which saline is injected into the uterus and the cavity is viewed with ultrasound
  • HSG in which x-ray dye is injected into the uterus and the cavity is viewed with x-rays.
  • Hysteroscopy – In which a fiberoptic telescope is introduced into the uterus and the cavity is viewed directly.

  If abnormalities of the uterine cavity are discovered, they should be corrected surgically before proceeding with a frozen embryo transfer. 

just before we started with the new cycle, i had to get a hysteroscopy cause the doctor found something in my uterus from the last ultrasound. thank God it turned out just to be some extra tissue from the lining that didn't discharge from the miscarriage. so they put me under once again and took it out.

we started with the prep medication the other day - Delestrogen. a pretty painful, on my end, type of prep med. 

• Delestrogen (estradiol valerate)
  Delestrogen is an injectable form of estrogen that is occasionally used for fertility treatments. It is oil based and must be injected intramuscularly. The injection is usually not given every day.

intramuscularly. as in, in the muscle. as in, in my butt. hello sore butt every 3 days. sacrifices right!? anything for the babies, anything. and with that, i also have to take progesterone supplements (Endometrin) to prep for the transfer. the progesterone, also an unpleasant ordeal. they're done vaginally - gross huh!? at least i don't have to do the much more painful progesterone in oil shots this time around. here's some info for y'all:

• Endometrin is a vaginal insert containing progesterone 100mg. Progesterone is a female hormone important for ovulation and menstruation. Progesterone causes changes in the lining of your uterus, making it easier for a fertilized egg to attach to the uterus at the beginning of pregnancy. Endometrin helps your body maintain the pregnancy. It is used in fertility treatment as part of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) for women unable to get pregnant due to a lack of natural progesterone in the body.
  
  
• Progesterone is a hormone that helps to prepare the lining of the uterus for implantation of the fertilized egg. Supplemental progesterone is sometimes prescribed to ensure that the uterine lining is adequately prepared. Previous warnings concerning progesterone use in pregnancy apply to synthetic progesterone preparations. Progesterone that is prescribed during pregnancy is a natural preparation.  

• Progesterone injection is administered as an intramuscular injection. Progesterone is used in the luteal phase of the cycle when the body's own natural progesterone may be insufficient. Once a fertilized egg is implanted, progesterone helps maintain the pregnancy by thickening the endometrium and increasing its blood supply.

so, this thursday, october 4th, will be the Frozen Embryo Transfer. i won't say much more till later about it cause i don't want to jinx anything. but whoever is reading this out there, please pray for us that all goes well. and if you see me around rubbing my rear end, you now know why! ;)

a little over a month... part 2

where was i...

oh yeah... relaxing on a beach in the middle of the caribbean. it was heaven. i didn't want to come home. i didn't want to face the complications and heartache of reality again. but i also missed the comforts of my own bed and our home. it was truly a bittersweet homecoming.

2 days after we got back, we were back at Shady Grove Fertility again to meet with dr. o'brien to discuss our next plans of action. it was rough going back into that office, on that floor, so close to that surgical room where it all happened. i wanted to break down and just cry right there. i wanted to turn around and run back into the elevator and head home. and the worst, i wanted to scream at everyone in there to bring my little angel back to me. it was a rough time to say the very least.

but somehow, i found the strength and courage to stay. we discussed our plans to move along with another IVF cycle, what the risks would be, how long it would take, etc. etc. etc. the whole time, i thought it was just me going through this heartache and that i was the only one really feeling the hurt and disappointment, but i was wrong. sitting there in dr. o'brien's office with mark and her, i could see that they both felt sympathy for this loss too. i could hear the hurt in her voice when she talked about it, and i could feel the pain in mark's touch as he held my hand. i really wasn't as alone as i had been feeling. everyone else really was genuinely concerned for me.

after about an hour or so discussing what we were going to do, we were moved to a conference room to get our schedule and paperwork from the nurses. more tests and bloodwork were in our immediate future - totally worth every single drop of blood taken to help our family of two grow. as much as i complained about every shot, every needle, every vial of blood, and daily appointments, i always knew i would do anything to have our own children. anything.


so here we are again, back to the beginning. or shall i say.... round 2. FIGHT!

a little over a month... part 1

a lengthy entry!

it's been a little over a month since we lost our little one and a lot has happened.

as you can only imagine, every day has been an unending roller coaster of emotions. the bad days have been bad and the good days have been a blessing. fortunately, the good days are finally starting to outweigh the bad days.

on the day we found out the bad news, mark and i had plans to see a Cirque Du Soleil show. because of the news, i was on the fence about going. but we had planned for it for so many months that i finally got the strength to get out of bed and go. i'm glad i did. the show was awesome. if you haven't seen it yet, i suggest you go. it was the Michael Jackson, THE IMMORTAL World Tour.

so what else has happened? after a lot of bad days, i had one day of hope and wanted to try again. but, because of how far the pregnancy had gotten, it would be a while to "flush" the pregnancy hormones out of my system to prep for a new pregnancy. to this day, it's still not completely "flushed" out. so, with that news from the doctor, mark and i decided we (mostly me of course) needed a getaway, some time away to recharge. so we decided to take an early birthday (for me) and early anniversary (for us) trip before we started again with the treatments for the next pregnancy. enter Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.

at first we wanted to just go to one place and relax on a beach somewhere, but that wasn't friendly to our wallets seeing as we were about to go into another IVF cycle. so after some thought, we decided to go on a cruise instead. we decided to go to the Eastern Caribbean - Nassau, Bahamas, St. Thomas, and St. Maarten. best idea ever.

it was exactly what i needed. some photos for your viewing pleasure.

husband testing his new snorkel gear at the hotel pool

me testing my new snorkel gear at the hotel pool

husband next to a giant bottle of johnny walker black label

bon voyage champagne toast!

aqua theater on our cruise ship

in "central park" on our ship

atlantis resort - our excursion for nassau, bahamas

husband in the beautiful water at the beach at atlantis

me in the beautiful water at the beach at atlantis

husband underwater at atlantis

me underwater at atlantis

can you see the tiny fish?

view from our jetski

another view from the jetski

more fish!

us underwater!

shark! in one of the ponds around atlantis

us grabbing lunch at one of the atlantis restaurants

very strong pina colada

our rings keeping my pina colada company

conch ceviche... it was just okay.

us in front of most of our ship

our little towel friend

at the rising tide bar on our ship. it was a bar that rose up and down in the middle of the ship!

our massive ship

husband in the clear waters of st. john - our excursion trip for st. thomas port

me! such beautiful waters

here fishy fishy!

some little island close to where we were

us!

creepy little stingray that kept circling around us!

so beautiful

tiny little fish

more fishies!

enjoying our rum punch on the way back to the ship

one of the MANY iguanas sunbathing on the rocks at the dock near our ship

hello!

mmm carib beer... reminded us of our honeymoon!

awesome marble map in the ground at the st. maarten shopping port

another night at the rising tide bar

 

finally a pic in one of the pools on the ship

and now we're back... more later.

karyotype

today i decided to call the nurse to check if the genetic testing results had come back yet. they did.

the good:

the baby had no found genetic abnormalities. i guess it's better than to find out the baby may have had some retardation or birth defect or something.

the bad:

we still have no idea what went wrong. we still have no clue as to why God wanted our little back so badly. we still have no idea why our little one's life ended before it really even began. i still have this huge WHY? looming in my heart.

follow up appointment with dr. o'brien isn't until august 20th. it's going to be a horribly long 27 days. i'm so sick of all this waiting.

the i don't know how i feel: 

according to the testing, the baby was "normal female karyotype". in other words, the baby was a girl.

• Karyotypes describe the number of chromosomes, and what they look like under a light microscope. Attention is paid to their length, the position of the centromeres, banding pattern, any differences between the sex chromosomes, and any other physical characteristics. The preparation and study of karyotypes is part of cytogenetics.
• Karyotype testing is a test to identify and evaluate the size, shape, and number of chromosomes in a sample of body cells. Extra, missing, or abnormal positions of chromosome pieces can cause problems with a person's growth, development, and body functions.

i guess i was right when i thought it was a girl. i guess a mother really DOES know these kind of things. but i'm not sure if i'm glad to know this information. on one hand, it's nice to know that i knew my body so well and because of that, was able to build such a strong bond with her. but on the other hand, it kind of makes it harder to move on knowing that our little one was a girl, that she was a she and not just an it... that God had already decided what He wanted to bless us with... that God also already knew what He was going to take away. our babygirl.

one week

one week. she/he has been gone for one week.

i haven't been crying as much - that's good right? it doesn't seem like it. when i do cry, it still feels horrible, still fresh. will that ever go away?

i still haven't mustered up the courage to talk to anyone else outside of my family and mark. i'm scared that if and when i do, something they say or do might set me off into crying mode again. i'm scared they'll ask questions that i, myself, don't have answers to. i'm scared people will look at me differently, those that know. i'm scared i'll make them feel uncomfortable and not want to be around me altogether. i don't want people's sympathy. i don't want anything from anyone really. i just need time.

when the doctor discharged me after the d & c, they handed mark a stack of papers and pamphlets for me to read while i was supposed to be lying in bed recovering.

i opened one just this morning but, after reading just the first couple of lines, i closed it and set it back on my nightstand. it just made it all too real. i mean, i know what's happened - i'm not delusional. i just don't think i'm ready to start "healing" yet. i'm still grieving. that's okay right?

i'm sure i'd find some answers to some of my questions in one of those things. but, and maybe it's just me, i don't think some pamphlet or article is really going to help me cope with all this. will it? has it really helped anyone? every case is different - how can they write a pamphlet to generalize everyone's situations?

more another day. today is just as hard as last friday was. my heart hurts.

brokenhearted

whomever said "time heals all wounds"  probably just had a measly little papercut.

it's been about 5 days, and i'm still clutching my chest trying to catch my breath. other than my family and my ever-so supportive husband, mark, i haven't been able to talk to anyone. i haven't even had the strength to get out of bed for more than 10-20 minutes. is that normal?

i don't even know what's normal these days. my routine is to get up, eat a little breakfast, stare at the tv and then cry myself back to sleep for another couple of hours till it's time to eat lunch. then, i eat a little lunch, stare at the tv and then cry myself back to sleep for yet another couple of hours till it's just about time to eat dinner. at this point, i get up, eat a little dinner, stare at the tv and then eventually, again, cry myself to sleep till morning. lather, rinse, repeat.

sometimes, somewhere in between, something sets me off and i just cry uncontrollably until, somehow, mark can calm me down. it's a seemingly endless cycle. i didn't even know it was possible for one person to cry that much!

but is any of that normal? what is a normal grieving period and method when it comes to miscarriage? is there a norm? people keep telling me to do something to keep myself busy and keep my mind off things or to do something to not dwell on this too much. it honestly makes me kind of mad and confused. should i not be grieving for my unborn child because she/he was in fact, unborn? is that why people think this should be somewhat easy to "get over"? to me, unborn or not, she/he was still my first child. wouldn't you grieve just as long or even longer for your child? isn't that a parent's given right?

i know people are just trying to help me. i know most people have no idea what to say when something like this happens. but i just want people to let me grieve on my own timetable. i want people to somehow understand that i'm just not as strong emotionally as they may be. i want people to understand that i loved her/him. i want people to understand that my heart is broken.

*  *  *

i had to go into the clinic today for an emergency ultrasound because i started to bleed heavily all of a sudden last night. dr. o'brien checked things out and it turns out that there is still a big clot in my uterus and it seems my uterus isn't compressing back to "normal" as it should be doing- not good. so she prescribed me some medication to help things get back on track. hopefully this will help to get things moving and help me heal faster... physically at least. if the medication doesn't do the job, then there's a high possibility they will have to do another d & c. all i can do is pray now.

God, if you can hear me, help. 

why?

how and where do i begin?

i've tried a million times to write this entry. each time, deleting pages and pages worth of feelings full of sadness, anger, and pure frustration. but each time, not really saying enough.

everyone and anyone that knows keeps telling me "you'll be okay" or "you can try again soon" and just various other things. though they may be true and right, right now, it just doesn't seem to help. but what do i expect them to say right? what can they really say that will comfort me and erase this aching in my heart and this emptiness i feel inside?

i want them to tell me what happened. i want someone to tell me why my little innocent baby's heart stopped beating so soon. i want someone to tell me what i didn't do to make this happen. i want someone to tell me what i did to make this happen. i want someone to tell me why, after all that we've already gone through to conceive our little one, we have to go through even more heartache. i just want to know why. why God why?

our loss, heaven's gain

today our hearts sank.

i woke up around 8:30 am to go to the bathroom and ate breakfast around 9 am. i responded to a few emails and chatted with my best friend until it was about time to leave for our ultrasound appointment. thus far, my morning went well. i hadn't had any spotting or bleeding since the night before and none again this morning. i still had some cramping, but it wasn't anything severe enough for me to worry about. it honestly just felt like gas.

at around 10:40 am, we arrived at shady grove for our 10:45 am appointment. the waiting room was eerily empty 'cept for us. i just thought, "what a creepy Friday the 13th" it was and sat down. we waited a few minutes and the nurse called us back. i sat on the exam table and held mark's hand till dr. o'brien and the ultrasound tech came in and began the examination.

within a few seconds, our little one appeared on the screen. there she was, as tiny as ever but something was telling me that something wasn't right this time. no matter how small or enlarged the tech tried to get her image on the screen, she just somehow looked blurry. and then dr. o'brien and the tech asked me to hold my breath so they could measure the baby's heartbeat. something really was wrong.

they couldn't find her little heartbeat. she repositioned her ultrasound wand, told me to hold my breath, and tried again. again, nothing. tears came rolling down my face, my breathing increased and got heavy, and i clutched mark's hand for dear life. her heart stopped beating.

we lost her. there on the screen was her lifeless little body; not moving, not beating, not living. i can't seem to recall everything that happened after that. all i can remember...

dr. o'brien, pulling out the rest of the table so i could rest my legs... crying so uncontrolably that i couldn't see past my tears... clutching mark's hand with my left hand and clutching the now empty screen with the other... screaming to mark for them to check again... screaming to mark for them to bring her back to me... screaming and crying till i could barely breathe...

after what seemed like a lifetime of crying, i got up and got dressed and mark walked me into an office to talk with dr. o'brien. i still could not stop crying. i vaguely remember her walking in, sitting in front of us, and explaining to us (but mostly mark), that there was nothing that i did or didn't do to make this happen. she mentioned something about a D&C and calling mark later with the details and steps on what to do next. then, somehow, we were leaving through a side door i had never been through before and i was hugging dr. o'brien tightly and she said to me "you will get through this. i promise."

we walked down a bunch of stairs and somehow got back to our car and drove home in silence. i remember feeling numb and hurt and had a huge lump in my throat and just an emptiness inside as i crawled back into bed when we got home. and i cried again and again and again. i didn't know what else to do.

after putting my things away, mark crawled into bed at my side and held me as i cried. he didn't shed a tear... at least none that i noticed. i guess people deal with tragedies differently. after a while, mark got up to get something to eat and i called my parents and siblings to break the news to them. mark had yet to muster up the strength to tell his family. after hanging up with my dad, i cried myself to sleep.

i woke up around 3 something to the ringing of my phone - it was dr. o'brien's nurse. they called to tell me that they scheduled my D&C for tomorrow morning.

• D&C, also known as dilation and curettage, is a surgical procedure often performed after a first trimester miscarriage. Dilation means to open up the cervix; curettage means to remove the contents of the uterus. Curettage may be performed by scraping the uterine wall with a curette instrument or by a suction curettage (also called vacuum aspiration), using a vacuum-type instrument.  

i'm still wondering what went wrong. she seemed to be doing so well 2 days ago. what could have possibly happened in the last 48 hours that caused this to happen? everyone keeps telling me that i did nothing wrong, but i still can't shake the feeling that i did. i feel so sad and yet so much more angry. but at who and for what- i don't know.

just when i thought things were going to be okay... something like this happens. i know she is in God's arms now, but i still wonder...

when will the heartache end already?

the bubble gives us a scare

this is a pretty graphic entry, so if you're squeamish about blood and/or female happenings, i suggest you not continue reading. 

i've debated over and over about whether to publish this entry to the public or not. i finally decided that if i was going to tell y'all our story, it's only fair to tell you ALL of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

yesterday was one of the hardest days thus far through this whole journey.

i woke up around 8:30 am with cramps and felt that my underwear had gotten soaked. groggy and disoriented, i got up to go to the restroom to check things out and saw that i soaked my underwear in blood, bright red fresh blood. i screamed for mark to wake up and come to the bathroom; i screamed loud.

crying my eyes out, i tried and tried to wipe myself of all the blood but it just kept coming out. i finally got a little control of it enough to change my clothes and pick up the phone. i immediately called shady grove fertility and our nurse told us to come in right away - our scheduled ultrasound wasn't till an hour or so later. we got dressed and headed straight for the clinic. it became the longest 10 minute drive ever.

we got to the clinic after what seemed like forever, signed in and waited in a full waiting room. still very teary-eyed, mark and i sat down and waited... and waited. by the time they finally called us, it was the time of our original appointment. i couldn't understand it - why would they tell us to go ahead and come in, but not see us right away? i was so frustrated and so scared - i cried some more. i didn't even care a single bit that all these other patients were trying to discretely look at me. our little bubble was in danger - nothing else around me mattered. nothing.

finally, the nurse called us in. as we walked by the nurses station, she stopped to tell the other nurse to "go ahead and get dr. o'brien now." i was glad to know they went to get her specifically for our appointment. usually, they assigned a monitoring physician per day to oversee all ultrasound appointments. so, a lot of the time, the physician at your ultrasound appointment isn't your primary physician.

i sat on the exam table waiting, clutching mark's hand while we waited for dr. o'brien and the ultrasound tech to arrive. i felt another painful cramp and began to cry yet again. when they finally came in and dr. o'brien asked, "how are you?" i lost it. i cried. i cried hard. she told me to lay back and try to relax so we could get started with the examination.

within seconds, our little bubble appeared on the screen. there she was... (we're thinking it's a girl)... her tiny little heart beating so strongly at 157 bpm. her tiny little body clinging on for dear life. all i could do was stare with tears in my eyes as i clutched mark's hand tighter. i was so overwhelmed that dr. o'brien had to remind me to breathe. but she assured me that the bubble was doing just fine - she was measuring well for 8 weeks and her heartbeat was strong. she couldn't see where the bleeding was coming from and why it was happening.

bubble at 8 wks

i asked her so many questions... is the bleeding hurting the baby? "no." what is the cramping? "your body shedding the blood." etc. etc. etc. there were several different things that may be causing the bleeding she said - the placenta popping a blood vessel when it was attaching to the uterus, just some of the lining shedding, and other things. i couldn't remember it all. all the rang through my head was "the baby is fine. the baby is fine."

after a lot more tears and both her and mark trying their best to console me, dr. o'brien told us to schedule another ultrasound for friday, for me to be on bedrest, hugged me and left. i cried again a little more as i got dressed just worried out of my mind. yes, dr. o'brien said the bubble was fine, but why am i being put on bedrest if she's fine?

as we left the exam room to make our appointment, i some how realized that in my rush to get out of the house and to the clinic as fast as we could, i had forgotten to put my cross necklace on. it wasn't like me to forget something like that - i always wore it. even if i left the house to just go down the street, i put it on. i wore it everyday since my parents gave it to me right after mark and i got engaged. how could i have forgotten it this time? i would get my answer later.

as we walked to the pharmacy downstairs to pick up my medication, it came to me. God's trying to tell me something. i took this as God telling me to take better care of myself and our little one, to slow down, and to take things as they come - day by day.

i'm a planner - it's what i do for a living now. so naturally, the second that the first blood test was positive, i made plans. we decided on God-parents, began making travel plans to Houston, called the church for baptism plans, etc. etc. i planned like crazy and stressed over the timing and logistics of everything. i did probably everything a soon-to-be first time mom isn't supposed to be worrying about till later.

so, i took this scare as God telling me to slow down and just take things day by day. well God, i'm listening. i'm lying here in bed trying my best to take it easy and trying my best to take care of myself and our little one. please God, take care of us too. 

As for me, I look to the LORD for help.
I wait confidently for God to save me,
and my God will certainly hear me. (Micah 7:7 NLT)

the bubble looks like a bean

brief entry today...

had the ultrasound this morning and the bubble is measuring well and her (we think it's going to be a girl) heartbeat is up at 157 bpm. a huge sigh of relief. she's looking like a little bean now, but she'll still be our little bubble.

 

bubble at 8 wks

lian at 8 wks

more on how today went in tomorrow's entry. i'm too tired!

our long journey - part III - the hardest part

they call it the 2 week wait - the longest 2 weeks of an IVF patient's life. the longest, scariest, most emotional 2 weeks of my life. it's the 2 weeks you lie in bed after your transfer, the 2 weeks you move slower than a snail, the 2 weeks you choose to do absolutely nothing and go absolutely no where so you won't do anything that may detach that little embryo from your uterus. it's the 2 weeks of hell that you have to wait to find out if that little embryo hung on for it's dear little life to your forever waiting uterus.

for those 2 weeks, i laid in bed as long as my mind and body could take it. i only got up for meals and to go to the bathroom and only if i got so bored i was about to go insane. as usual, mark kept my mind straight and catered to my every whim - it definitely wasn't easy for either of us. especially for me. being laid up in bed for 2 weeks, you tend to go stir crazy and the internet becomes your companion. i kept googling and researching when would be the earliest to test if you're pregnant - it was both great and horrible.

the second i was allowed to and found it safe to get up and about on my own, i pulled out my first at home pregnancy test, peed and prayed for a miracle. most sites had said that 6-7 days after your transfer, you can start testing. i waited 5 days and of course my heart sank. negative. so i waited again... on the morning of june 6, 2012, that second line appeared. i twirled like a ballerina. that's perfectly normal at the age of 32 right?

i showed it to mark - we cried and did happy (awkward) dances all over the house. i texted the photo to my sister and we talked for hours and said our prayers.

every 2 days after that until the blood test, i peed and prayed.

finally, on the morning of june 14th we went back to shady grove fertility to do the pregnancy blood test. after being in and out in less than 10 minutes, we had to do more waiting. a few hours later, the doctor called...

positive for hCg - the pregnancy hormone. according to the blood test, we were pregnant! so, normally, you jump for joy, dance like you've never danced before, call your family, etc. you celebrate right? WRONG.

in our case, as an IVF patient, you wait a couple more days and redo the blood test. so, on the morning of june 18th, we were back at shady grove running the test again. the goal was to see that my hCg levels were going up meaning the bubble was growing. crossing everything we could, we waited a few hours again...

hCg levels are up. perfect, right? again, not just yet. yes, my levels were up, but was the bubble growing like it should be? we would have to wait another week to find out at the bubble's first ultrasound.

june 25, 2012 - the ultrasound. it made my heart jump and hurt. there it was, our little bubble on the screen, squirming away on the screen. i began to cry happy tears and mark became speechless as he stared at the screen and held my hand - speechless but smiling. a few seconds later, the ultrasound tech moved the little wand around to check for the bubble's heartbeat, i began to worry. the look on her face and the doctor's face wasn't a good one. they both looked at each other and the doctor swooped in and grabbed the wand to move it himself. again, their faces didn't look promising - i began to really panic. according to the doctor, the ultrasound was showing that the bubble's heartbeat was abnormally slow, about 85 bpm. the hope was that it would be around 120-125 bpm. my heart sank and painful tears came rushing out of my eyes.

june 25, 2012 - bubble's 2nd photo

at the site of my tears, mark gripped my hand tighter and asked the doctor what this meant. the doctor said that the bubble is measuring as it should at 6 weeks, but the heartbeat is still hard to measure because it is still so small. most women don't even get to see their doctors for an ultrasound this early. he said the bubble is measuring well, so i should try not to worry too much just yet and to schedule another ultrasound in 2 more weeks. another 2 weeks of waiting... great. NOT!!

so here we are, july 10, 2012, 2 weeks and a day from that disappointing ultrasound. tomorrow morning we have the second ultrasound to find out if our little bubble's heart is beating as it should. wish us luck!