where was i...
oh yeah... relaxing on a beach in the middle of the caribbean. it was heaven. i didn't want to come home. i didn't want to face the complications and heartache of reality again. but i also missed the comforts of my own bed and our home. it was truly a bittersweet homecoming.
2 days after we got back, we were back at Shady Grove Fertility again to meet with dr. o'brien to discuss our next plans of action. it was rough going back into that office, on that floor, so close to that surgical room where it all happened. i wanted to break down and just cry right there. i wanted to turn around and run back into the elevator and head home. and the worst, i wanted to scream at everyone in there to bring my little angel back to me. it was a rough time to say the very least.
but somehow, i found the strength and courage to stay. we discussed our plans to move along with another IVF cycle, what the risks would be, how long it would take, etc. etc. etc. the whole time, i thought it was just me going through this heartache and that i was the only one really feeling the hurt and disappointment, but i was wrong. sitting there in dr. o'brien's office with mark and her, i could see that they both felt sympathy for this loss too. i could hear the hurt in her voice when she talked about it, and i could feel the pain in mark's touch as he held my hand. i really wasn't as alone as i had been feeling. everyone else really was genuinely concerned for me.
after about an hour or so discussing what we were going to do, we were moved to a conference room to get our schedule and paperwork from the nurses. more tests and bloodwork were in our immediate future - totally worth every single drop of blood taken to help our family of two grow. as much as i complained about every shot, every needle, every vial of blood, and daily appointments, i always knew i would do anything to have our own children. anything.
so here we are again, back to the beginning. or shall i say.... round 2. FIGHT!
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