yeah, again. it happened again.
i wish i could say it hurt less, but it didn't. i wish i could say that somehow i expected it to happen, but i honestly didn't. i wish i could say that it didn't phase me, but it totally did. but mostly, i wish i could say that our little ones are still growing and their little hearts are still beating, but they're not. yes, there were 2 little angels. God has them now, with our other 3 angels. 5 angels total.
i wish i could be more optimistic to try again, but i'm not. the fact is, our insurance won't cover anymore cycles. we've maxed out our benefits for this. so, if we want to try again, everything would be out of pocket. out of empty pockets because, well, we just closed on our new house. our new house that we started building last summer in anticipation of our first little angel. the little angel that's now sleeping in God's arms with her 4 other brothers and sisters. insert waterfall of tears here.
i wish we could afford to try again. i wish we could find a way to afford to try again. i wish i didn't have PCOS. i wish i could just miraculously be able to conceive naturally so we wouldn't have to worry about being able to afford trying again through IVF. i wish God would just give us another chance.
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this blog was supposed to be about our little miracles. it was supposed to be about our journey to build our family from a party of 2 to a party of more. it was supposed to be a happy little blog that inspired others to keep trying for their little miracles too. but we have yet to have any little miracles.
so, for now, this blog will be on hiatus. i personally need to heal, emotionally and physically. and well, i'm sure y'all are sick of reading about our heartache. i'm sure tired of writing about it.
so, farewell for now. i hope one day i'll be back with much better news and happier entries. till then, take care and may God bless you all.
