karyotype

today i decided to call the nurse to check if the genetic testing results had come back yet. they did.

the good:

the baby had no found genetic abnormalities. i guess it's better than to find out the baby may have had some retardation or birth defect or something.

the bad:

we still have no idea what went wrong. we still have no clue as to why God wanted our little back so badly. we still have no idea why our little one's life ended before it really even began. i still have this huge WHY? looming in my heart.

follow up appointment with dr. o'brien isn't until august 20th. it's going to be a horribly long 27 days. i'm so sick of all this waiting.

the i don't know how i feel: 

according to the testing, the baby was "normal female karyotype". in other words, the baby was a girl.

• Karyotypes describe the number of chromosomes, and what they look like under a light microscope. Attention is paid to their length, the position of the centromeres, banding pattern, any differences between the sex chromosomes, and any other physical characteristics. The preparation and study of karyotypes is part of cytogenetics.
• Karyotype testing is a test to identify and evaluate the size, shape, and number of chromosomes in a sample of body cells. Extra, missing, or abnormal positions of chromosome pieces can cause problems with a person's growth, development, and body functions.

i guess i was right when i thought it was a girl. i guess a mother really DOES know these kind of things. but i'm not sure if i'm glad to know this information. on one hand, it's nice to know that i knew my body so well and because of that, was able to build such a strong bond with her. but on the other hand, it kind of makes it harder to move on knowing that our little one was a girl, that she was a she and not just an it... that God had already decided what He wanted to bless us with... that God also already knew what He was going to take away. our babygirl.