why?

how and where do i begin?

i've tried a million times to write this entry. each time, deleting pages and pages worth of feelings full of sadness, anger, and pure frustration. but each time, not really saying enough.

everyone and anyone that knows keeps telling me "you'll be okay" or "you can try again soon" and just various other things. though they may be true and right, right now, it just doesn't seem to help. but what do i expect them to say right? what can they really say that will comfort me and erase this aching in my heart and this emptiness i feel inside?

i want them to tell me what happened. i want someone to tell me why my little innocent baby's heart stopped beating so soon. i want someone to tell me what i didn't do to make this happen. i want someone to tell me what i did to make this happen. i want someone to tell me why, after all that we've already gone through to conceive our little one, we have to go through even more heartache. i just want to know why. why God why?