the process, the gory details and all that stuff - part 6 + christmas, new year's eve, & my brother turning 30!

so the 2 week wait. it coincided with the holidays. so either we sat around here in rockville till the new year just to get the results or we went ahead with our travel plans to spend the holidays with my family in Texas. uh... no debate. we were heading to Texas.

everyone protested me flying down there because they didn't want anything to happen to me and the little embryos. but, to me, if the doctor says it's okay, it's okay. in hindsight, i understand the concern now. but i really needed to be with my family at the time. i guess they just didn't realize how much i needed to be with them and see them and hug them and spend as much time with them as i could before all the chaos happened. i'm hoping they understand now though.

it was great to be around everyone, but it was hard hiding the fact that i was incubating 2 little embryos. only my parents and siblings and their significant others knew the news. on christmas eve, we celebrated our annual "Ulanday Christmas" at my sister's house and had a great time. we did our usual white elephant exchange and played some games. all in all it was a very exciting and fun day.

my niece Taylor and nephew Mason

me & mark

brother-in-law Allen, Mason, Taylor, sister Laurie

brother Mike and his girlfriend Rachel

Mom and Dad, Mason and Taylor

cousin-in-law Holly, niece Hannah, cousin Eric

cousin Dennis, nephews Nick, Jake and Zach, niece Olivia, cousin-in-law Kelly

Mason with brother-in-law's brother Jody

Dennis

Aunt Corette

Kelly's sister-in-law Sharon

Mike and my Uncle Rolly

kiddos playing the right left game

nephews

Laurie and cousin's girlfriend Cindy

on christmas day, we all woke up early to have breakfast at my sister's in-laws' house. as we were finishing up breakfast and heading out to church, i needed to use the restroom. it was then and there that i started bleeding. i had felt a little pain early that morning but attributed it to gas from the heavy breakfast. i guess i had been wrong. so i called the doctor's office (they are open 24/7/365) and left a message for the on-call doctor about my bleeding and mild cramping. mark and i decided that i should go back to bed and lay down while he went to church with my family. and so i did.

while at church, the doctor's office called back and told me that there was nothing they could do at the moment and for me to monitor the bleeding - making sure that it didn't get worse and that hopefully it would get better. it got better. by the time everyone came home from church and were getting ready to eat lunch, the bleeding had subsided. i was to call back the next morning or friday to speak to dr. o'brien or one of her nurses about further instructions. i called back on friday.

according to the nurse, it could be bleeding from implantation which is fairly common - even more if there are 2 successfully implanted embryos. so that news calmed me down. but, i had to take it easy from now on and really adhere to the no lifting more than 25 pounds thing. it was REALLY hard to adhere to that when i missed my niece and nephew so much that all i wanted to do was pick them up and cuddle with them. i had to resort to laying on the couch with them most of the time.

new year's eve and my not-so-little-anymore brother's 30th birthday (new year's day) was looming around the corner. as i was helping my sister take care of the kids and she helped my mom prep for the annual new year's party at my parents' house, i felt cramping yet again. and wouldn't you know it, i started bleeding yet again. it wasn't as bad as christmas day, but i definitely saw fresh red blood. my heart just sank. another call to the nurse and the doctor's office ensued.

this time, the nurse said that it could still be residual from the first bleed and the same instructions were given. rest, take it easy, and monitor the heaviness of the bleeding. it thankfully didn't get any worse and subsided by the time people were arriving to my parents' house. the party was a lot of fun 'cept that a whole bunch of us had apparently gotten sick and were still recovering from something someone may have passed around on christmas eve. my brother turned 30 and my sister and i looked at each other and realized just how old WE were now! haha

Mike & Taylor

cousin Mark & husband Mark

Daddy & Mike

Daddy, Aunt Eufe, Aunt Corette, Uncle Rolly, Mike, Godmother Juliet

pretty banner i made and family photos

Mike & Rachel

Mike, Mark, godbrother Matthew, Mark, Rachel

Taylor and my Mommy

my goddaughter Julia and Taylor

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

Julia and her mom, my godsister Jennifer

Me and Julia

me and mark

playing Minute To Win It games

Julia's brother Ben playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

Uncle Art, playing Minute To Win It games

Allen, playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

playing Minute To Win It games

helping my brother blow out his candle

umbrella with 30 rolled up $1 bills hanging from it for Mike's 30th birthday, made by me and my sister

passed out Mason, and a very exhausted sister and niece

a few days later, mark and i headed back to rockville completely exhausted, hearts filled with a lot of love and ready to take my blood test to see if we were pregnant.

the process, the gory details and all that stuff - part 5 + christmas pinterest party!

hope you're all still with me... these backtracking entries were a lot longer than i expected!

so while i was taking the medication, we decided to get our friends together and have a christmas pinterest party. if you don't know the addiction of Pinterest, you're missing out. at first, it was just supposed to be a bunch of us cooking stuff or crafting stuff we saw on pinterest. but i figured, it's almost christmas time, why not make some of it christmas themed!? so i bought a mini christmas tree and a bunch of ornaments that we could all decorate and place on the tree. unfortunately, the ornaments wouldn't dry fast enough so they ended up going on this metal christmas tree to dry. it still was a lot of fun and even the metal version of our first friends' christmas was pretty awesome. and the food... i still dream about some of the dishes to this day! i wish i had taken more pictures... i was a little too busy stuffing my face with all the food and having too much fun decorating!

olive garden's zuppa toscana soup copycat - by me!

cantonese crispy pork belly - by our friend Sammy

our friend Sammy and his daughter Emery

our friend Yinni and her nephew Ethan

our friends Steve and Kiet having fun decorating ornaments

one of Steve's ornaments and our friend Sinson playing with our other friends' son Colin

braised pork on a bun - by Yinni

cheesy chicken something dip that was really delicious but i can't remember the name - by our friend Jemi

puff pastry with brie and honey? i think? - by our friend Teresa

halal chicken + rice... but i forgot to take a pic of the rice - by our friend Lisa (Colin's mommy)

our metal christmas tree

another view of the metal tree

mango mouse with raspberries and andes mints - by Teresa

chocolate fudge mini cupcakes with peppermint frosting - by me!

most of our friends knew how hard we had been trying to get pregnant and the whole history of our ups and downs with all our treatments. so it was only natural for some of them to ask for an update on how things were going that night. we updated them with what was going on and they wished us well. they had inadvertently became a family to us. they all wanted us to have children as much as we did. they had, unknowingly to me, felt the pain of the "failures" as much as we did.

four days later, we went in for the transfer. with a super full bladder, mark and i walked into the procedure room and i laid on the table. dr. o'brien explained that they were going to discard the embryos that had abnormalities and told us the 2 best ones they were going to transfer. the process didn't take very long... about 30-45 minutes from start to finish. but with an excruciatingly full bladder, it seemed like forever. but i had to have a full bladder in order to make it easier to implant the embryos. after the forever long wait, i was able to get up and relieve myself... best pee ever! haha

so now, it was 24 hours of full bed rest and time to wait. that nasty, nerve wrecking 2 week wait.

the process, the gory details and all that stuff - part 4 + the flu and 3 years

while we waited to be approved and for all the results to come in, i got the crappiest case of the flu just before we were to spend our 3-year wedding anniversary in las vegas, nv. it was so horrible that it turned out it was a strain that wasn't even covered in any of the flu vaccines that were available at the time.  it hit me like a ton of bricks and i was down for over a week, even with meds! i barely recovered just in time for our trip. the night before we were to fly out, as we were finishing up packing, i felt horrible and achy all over again. it had already been 2 weeks after recovering from the flu and i started feeling the aches and pains again! i was praying that i'd be able to sleep it off and then i'd be okay in the morning to take our flight. i was half right.

with still a little bit of aches and pains and a lot of tylenol, we boarded our flight and were off to celebrate our anniversary. we arrived at our time-share and all i wanted to do was pass out and take a really long nap after getting something to eat. that's how our whole trip seemed to be. eat breakfast, lunch or dinner and in between, i'd take a nap and rest while my poor husband sat in our room bored out of his mind. i felt so bad that i ruined our trip. but i just didn't have the strength or energy to walk around and do anything. he assured me that it was okay and that my health was more important, but i couldn't help feeling bad that i couldn't share the fun with him. he went down to the casino and gambled here and there, but he said it wasn't much fun without me.

on a couple of the nights though, we got to see a couple of Cirque du Soleil shows. the first one we saw was Mystere. as with all the cirque shows we've seen, it was beautiful. it wasn't as spectacular as some of the other ones we've seen. but i enjoyed myself despite my sickly state.

on the night of our actual anniversary (november, 21, 2013) we had a spectacular dinner at L'Atelier Joel Robuchon. it was a foie gras lover's heaven.

 

after dinner, we saw another cirque show called KA. unlike all the other shows we've seen, KA had more of a distinct storyline and was more theatrical. while i loved the beauty of it all, i wasn't as impressed as i was with previous cirque shows. i guess i was expecting there to be all different kinds of acts like how the other cirque shows were that we had seen. but don't let my opinion stray you from ever seeing the show. it was definitely spectacular in it's own right. 

the rest of the night and the weekend, we just gambled a little and walked around as i was finally feeling well enough. the weather was kind of terrible, rained the whole time, so it wasn't as easy to walk up and down the strip like we wanted and had planned to. all in all, it was a much tamer version of our past trips to vegas, but it was nice and intimate just the way i liked it. 

when we returned from our anniversary trip, we met with dr. o'brien to start the prep of my uterus for implantation. first, she explained to us the process of choosing the right embryos. from the natera report, dr. o'brien and her staff could select the best embryos to implant. the report detailed all sorts of information chromosome by chromosome - each embryo was graded, abnormalities were identified if any, and even gender was determined! but that's a story i'll save for later.

with much thought and consideration, dr. o'brien recommended transferring 2 embryos. at the end of our last cycle, she mentioned possibly transferring 3 on our next cycle to have better odds. but upon reevaluation and all the genetic testing we did, the decision changed to 2. thank God! i was so scared of possibly having triplets! not that i wouldn't have been just as ecstatic, just that i would have been more cautious and scared.

so this time around, i didn't have to do shots to prepare my uterine lining. thank God! i had such a bad reaction to the prep shots the last few times, that dr. o'brien ruled them out. this time around i had to do inserts. no pain. just a lot of yucky vaginal discharge so i had to wear a pad all the time - kind of really uncomfortable. but at this point, we had the 'by any means necessary' mentality.

so i took the inserts and prepared for transfer day - December 18, 2013. the day that would change our lives in the best way possible.

the process, the gory details and all that stuff - part 3

as the leaves of our first fall in the new house fell, my depression, that i had battled for so many years to overcome, had started weaseling it's way back into my heart. i had fought so hard and went through so much therapy and taken so much medication to overcome it. it took me 20+ something years to get it out of my life and i thought it was gone for good, yet here it was again, creeping it's horrible self back into my life. this time, it was beginning to effect mark's life too.

i felt i was losing myself again. i felt like this was it. i felt like i failed my husband and our families.

you know how most people feel like there was always that one thing they were born to do? like, my mother, she always said she was born to be a doctor and she became one. like my sister, who always knew that she'd have a career that would showcase her creative side and who always knew that one day, she'd have children of her own and be the great mother she is today - she did both of those things. well, for me, i always felt like i was born to be a mother. not just any kind of mother to any kind of child - a mother to my own children, born from my womb, with my DNA and blood running through their veins. i was never motivated in school to become something really great. i had changed my mind about my career several times over. but i never wavered from the idea of becoming a mother. of all the types of careers i delved into, i always made sure that it was something that wouldn't prevent me from becoming the type of mother i always wanted to be.

but now, here i am. in a career with the freedom to be the exact type of mother i have always dreamed to be, but with no children of our own to make it happen. thus, i felt like i had failed.

but, my hero, my love, my wonderful husband, mark, wasn't about to let that happen. with all his heart and devotion, he set out to make things happen for us. i would love to give the details of how he started the ball rolling to make our little miracles happen, but that's one thing i will have to keep just between our little family. let's just say, there really are angels on earth and we are so very blessed to have them as such a big part of our lives. God finally answered our prayers and it was time to start the IVF process again through the Shared Risk Program at Shady Grove Fertility.

it wasn't going to be as simple as we originally thought. we would have to wait to get approved for the program and take a different approach than what we had done in the previous treatments. dr. o'brien wanted to make sure that this time around, we covered all our bases prior to transfer. this meant testing all our remaining embryos (about 27) for any and all genetic abnormalities. it would take a while longer because they would have to extract DNA samples from each embryo, send it to the genetic testing lab, Natera, wait for them to thoroughly test each embryo's DNA sample, compile their findings into a detailed report, send them back to Shady Grove and then have dr. o'brien discuss the findings with us. that took a little longer than we had expected.