the process, the gory details and all that stuff - part 5 + christmas pinterest party!

hope you're all still with me... these backtracking entries were a lot longer than i expected!

so while i was taking the medication, we decided to get our friends together and have a christmas pinterest party. if you don't know the addiction of Pinterest, you're missing out. at first, it was just supposed to be a bunch of us cooking stuff or crafting stuff we saw on pinterest. but i figured, it's almost christmas time, why not make some of it christmas themed!? so i bought a mini christmas tree and a bunch of ornaments that we could all decorate and place on the tree. unfortunately, the ornaments wouldn't dry fast enough so they ended up going on this metal christmas tree to dry. it still was a lot of fun and even the metal version of our first friends' christmas was pretty awesome. and the food... i still dream about some of the dishes to this day! i wish i had taken more pictures... i was a little too busy stuffing my face with all the food and having too much fun decorating!

olive garden's zuppa toscana soup copycat - by me!

cantonese crispy pork belly - by our friend Sammy

our friend Sammy and his daughter Emery

our friend Yinni and her nephew Ethan

our friends Steve and Kiet having fun decorating ornaments

one of Steve's ornaments and our friend Sinson playing with our other friends' son Colin

braised pork on a bun - by Yinni

cheesy chicken something dip that was really delicious but i can't remember the name - by our friend Jemi

puff pastry with brie and honey? i think? - by our friend Teresa

halal chicken + rice... but i forgot to take a pic of the rice - by our friend Lisa (Colin's mommy)

our metal christmas tree

another view of the metal tree

mango mouse with raspberries and andes mints - by Teresa

chocolate fudge mini cupcakes with peppermint frosting - by me!

most of our friends knew how hard we had been trying to get pregnant and the whole history of our ups and downs with all our treatments. so it was only natural for some of them to ask for an update on how things were going that night. we updated them with what was going on and they wished us well. they had inadvertently became a family to us. they all wanted us to have children as much as we did. they had, unknowingly to me, felt the pain of the "failures" as much as we did.

four days later, we went in for the transfer. with a super full bladder, mark and i walked into the procedure room and i laid on the table. dr. o'brien explained that they were going to discard the embryos that had abnormalities and told us the 2 best ones they were going to transfer. the process didn't take very long... about 30-45 minutes from start to finish. but with an excruciatingly full bladder, it seemed like forever. but i had to have a full bladder in order to make it easier to implant the embryos. after the forever long wait, i was able to get up and relieve myself... best pee ever! haha

so now, it was 24 hours of full bed rest and time to wait. that nasty, nerve wrecking 2 week wait.

well played Jesus, well played.

so today is ash wednesday and the beginning of lent. if you're not catholic, here's some information to keep you up to speed... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent

i debated today whether or not to write this post cause it'd reveal more than i want to right now. but i decided i should for memory's sake... which right now, i severely lack! haha

so long story short...

we started a new IVF cycle just after the new year. they did the FET (frozen embryo transfer) just this monday, february 11. and now we're back to the 2 week wait.

and in the midst of all this...

we celebrated husband's 35th birthday with family the weekend prior to the FET. i felt a little bad that i hadn't gotten him a gift because of all the commotion and chaos with the FET and our other big event happening soon! but he reassured me that having a healthy and successful pregnancy was enough of a gift. i'm hoping in 9 months i can fulfill that. knock on wood. everything crossed. infinite prayers.

so where does the mention of lent and ash wednesday fall into place? well, obviously, some of the terms to being pregnant or possibly pregnant are no drinking and no caffeine. and if you read the lenten info, it's a common practice for catholics to give up something for lent as a form of self control or sorts. with the possible pregnancy and lent coinciding, i thought "perfect timing". i have to give up alcohol and caffeine for the possible pregnancy so that can also be my sacrifice for lent... just hopefully extended to 9 months instead of the obligatory 40 days!

also, as any mother to be knows, it will be easier to hide the possible pregnancy till it's time to announce it! which is where the "perfect timing" comes into play. husband and a couple of other friends with the same birthday as husband decided to celebrate their birthdays this coming weekend. enter the alcohol and shenanigans! usually, i wouldn't think twice about having a drink or two to enjoy the festivities, but not the case this year! see where i'm going with this?

because of lent, i have the perfect excuse not to drink! and because i'm the WORST liar in the world, lent has given me the best additional excuse as to why i'm not taking the shot with everyone else and screaming like a college kid. i won't have to really lie and be conscious if my eye is twitching or i'm overly smiling! well played Jesus, well played.

oh as for a glimpse to our other big event happening soon...

quick post

just a super quick post to mark this day... day 7 of the 2 week wait...

today is 10-11-12...
just cause i've been impatient, i took a pee test and...

2 PINK LINES!

 blood test is next week to confirm though! stay tuned!

our long journey - part III - the hardest part

they call it the 2 week wait - the longest 2 weeks of an IVF patient's life. the longest, scariest, most emotional 2 weeks of my life. it's the 2 weeks you lie in bed after your transfer, the 2 weeks you move slower than a snail, the 2 weeks you choose to do absolutely nothing and go absolutely no where so you won't do anything that may detach that little embryo from your uterus. it's the 2 weeks of hell that you have to wait to find out if that little embryo hung on for it's dear little life to your forever waiting uterus.

for those 2 weeks, i laid in bed as long as my mind and body could take it. i only got up for meals and to go to the bathroom and only if i got so bored i was about to go insane. as usual, mark kept my mind straight and catered to my every whim - it definitely wasn't easy for either of us. especially for me. being laid up in bed for 2 weeks, you tend to go stir crazy and the internet becomes your companion. i kept googling and researching when would be the earliest to test if you're pregnant - it was both great and horrible.

the second i was allowed to and found it safe to get up and about on my own, i pulled out my first at home pregnancy test, peed and prayed for a miracle. most sites had said that 6-7 days after your transfer, you can start testing. i waited 5 days and of course my heart sank. negative. so i waited again... on the morning of june 6, 2012, that second line appeared. i twirled like a ballerina. that's perfectly normal at the age of 32 right?

i showed it to mark - we cried and did happy (awkward) dances all over the house. i texted the photo to my sister and we talked for hours and said our prayers.

every 2 days after that until the blood test, i peed and prayed.

finally, on the morning of june 14th we went back to shady grove fertility to do the pregnancy blood test. after being in and out in less than 10 minutes, we had to do more waiting. a few hours later, the doctor called...

positive for hCg - the pregnancy hormone. according to the blood test, we were pregnant! so, normally, you jump for joy, dance like you've never danced before, call your family, etc. you celebrate right? WRONG.

in our case, as an IVF patient, you wait a couple more days and redo the blood test. so, on the morning of june 18th, we were back at shady grove running the test again. the goal was to see that my hCg levels were going up meaning the bubble was growing. crossing everything we could, we waited a few hours again...

hCg levels are up. perfect, right? again, not just yet. yes, my levels were up, but was the bubble growing like it should be? we would have to wait another week to find out at the bubble's first ultrasound.

june 25, 2012 - the ultrasound. it made my heart jump and hurt. there it was, our little bubble on the screen, squirming away on the screen. i began to cry happy tears and mark became speechless as he stared at the screen and held my hand - speechless but smiling. a few seconds later, the ultrasound tech moved the little wand around to check for the bubble's heartbeat, i began to worry. the look on her face and the doctor's face wasn't a good one. they both looked at each other and the doctor swooped in and grabbed the wand to move it himself. again, their faces didn't look promising - i began to really panic. according to the doctor, the ultrasound was showing that the bubble's heartbeat was abnormally slow, about 85 bpm. the hope was that it would be around 120-125 bpm. my heart sank and painful tears came rushing out of my eyes.

june 25, 2012 - bubble's 2nd photo

at the site of my tears, mark gripped my hand tighter and asked the doctor what this meant. the doctor said that the bubble is measuring as it should at 6 weeks, but the heartbeat is still hard to measure because it is still so small. most women don't even get to see their doctors for an ultrasound this early. he said the bubble is measuring well, so i should try not to worry too much just yet and to schedule another ultrasound in 2 more weeks. another 2 weeks of waiting... great. NOT!!

so here we are, july 10, 2012, 2 weeks and a day from that disappointing ultrasound. tomorrow morning we have the second ultrasound to find out if our little bubble's heart is beating as it should. wish us luck!