21 weeks + bed rest + strong love

so here we are... 21 weeks! this week, other than the emergency surgery, was pretty uneventful really. i suppose it's due to the fact that i've been stuck in bed on bed rest.

it has been an emotionally draining week though. with the news of having to get the surgery and the twins being in danger of early delivery and possible loss, my emotions went haywire. i was, as any parent would be, worried out of my mind. i found myself crying and panicking more than usual and couldn't control it at all. i was like a ticking time bomb of tears. again, as usual, i was scared that my depression was about to take over and win again. i was glad that towards the end of this week, mark and i had a long talk (after a really uncontrollable bout of crying) and he reassured me that it was normal to be this worried... what parent would be right?

i say it over and over again, but i am so extremely thankful for mark. he has been my rock and my light in the darkness. through all the ups and downs, he has remained by my side and never wavered. the things we have gone through are the things that are usually designed to tear couples apart. how lucky, fortunate, and blessed are we that those things have only made our relationship and love stronger than i could have ever imagined!? God truly blessed us beyond our expectations.

my post-op follow-up appointment with dr. matia is tomorrow morning. please, please, please pray for us that i am healing well and that the twins are still doing well too.

till next time... have a great week y'all!

the process, the gory details and all that stuff - part I

upon finding out we are finally pregnant, several people asked us about how we got to this point. several people didn't know we conceived through IVF and even more people didn't even know we were having such difficulty getting pregnant. so, we started telling our story to those that were interested and then i realized, i should also be explaining things over here too.

last we left you, our insurance benefits for fertility treatments had run out. if we wanted to try another IVF treatment or any fertility treatment, it would all be out of pocket less the medication. after calculating, it roughly came to around $20,000 to do just one prep and transfer - JUST ONE! if it were to fail again, we'd be out $20,000+ and with still no baby! unfortunately, with us just closing and moving into the new house, that was totally out of reach for us. but there was another option that we had yet to know about until we consulted with our fertility doctor.

our clinic calls it the Shared Risk Program. the program is fairly simple. you apply to get in and assuming you are eligible, you get approved and pay the one time fee. this one time fee allows for you and your partner to have an unlimited amount of cycles until you either run out of embryos, you can't take the heartache anymore, or the doctors conclude that it's just not going to happen this way. should any of those scenarios be the case, you are refunded your money, less the cost of medicine and office visits.

it sounded like it was just what we needed. unfortunately, we still didn't have the funds to make it happen. it would still still cost about the same around $20,000+. a lot of money that we still didn't have. so, we decided, we'd take a break till we could figure out what to do and how to either get the money or somehow deal with possibility that we may never have children of our own.

a long break and a lot of prayers ensued.